The Holy One

I once came across with this one give-away album from IHOP. It is a collection of worship.ish music, but there is a one song that really stroke me. I think you should download it and listen to it if you already haven´t. Do it late at night when it´s calm and peaceful and you can really focus on it. (all the good songs need to be listened in the dark :) So, go to the address below, register (you don´t have to pay anything etc. no worries), and download the song number 4, Holy.

Then, sit back, read the next part i wrote, and listen..

http://forerunnermediagroup.com/Group/Group.aspx?ID=1000035845

we all know (or should know) that god is loving, god is righteous, god is mercyful, god is gracious etc.. But every one of us can be that too, maybe not AS loving as god, maybe not AS mercyful as god, but still.. those are qualities that can be found in each of us at least up to some point, us being the creation of god.

 But there is one thing we are not, and can never be..   Holy. 

I think THAT is the one word that describes god the best. He, and he only, is Holy. And that is something greater than what we can really even understand. That is what god is all bout, and that is what this song is all about, maybe it gives you a tiny glimbse of my god. the holy one.

but it is horizontal

went to a michael w. smith concert a while ago, and he said something about God not only loving us, but also liking us.
And why he said that, is because it is even more intimate. it just is more. You can decide to love. love is a decision, as they say. (and "they" are right, btw) But you can´t really decide to like someone. You just do or you don´t. at least that´s how i see it. And actually, that is why i told my wife in the speech i made at our wedding (as i recall, i mean it was like 3 yrs ago.. :) that not only i love Her, but i also like her very very much. Because.. it just is more. you can love without really liking someone. But that is not what God does. He really likes us. As we are. with all our mistakes and glories.

The other day. i had a conversation with one of my house mates, and somewhere in the middle of that, he just stated that the problem with his faith isn´t that he didn´t know God loves him. But. He just can´t feel it.

and.

in that split second, without really thinkin about it, it became clear to me. The way i feel God´s love. And. It is not vertical, but it is horizontal.

It is the love i get from my family, from my loved ones, from my friends, from other christians.
That, is the the love i feel comes from God. The way God loves me.

and.

if someone can´t feel it. It only means we have failed. We, as the people around that person. Because that is how God has ment it to be. For us to be the tools. the hands. to share the love He´s got for us. To show it. to live it. To be it.

and.

If God is love. As the bible tells us. So, basically doesn´t that mean all the love is God´s love. That, in some way, all the love is God. Or God is in all the love. when we are loving our neighbour as ourselves - God is loving our neighbours. God is loving us. And when that happens, we sure can feel that in our everyday life. God´s love is not (only) vertical, but it is horizontal.

laters

Sitting here in my empty home, (on the dog´s mattress acually, it being one of the only things left here.) Or, is it already my used-to-be home. Dunno. Felt kind of weird earlier today, quite.. empty I guess.
It is a big change, I know that, and I can feel that too. But still, already, I´m somehow looking for it, you know I´m just excited to see what happens next. The summer to come is gonna be different from any of the earlier ones. Well, I guess they all are, but still. All open.. and it scares me a bit, and still.. I somehow like the feeling. I know I´m a type of guy who gets used to things too well, gets comfortable too well, so I know I somehow need the change. Even when not really wanting that. So, I´ll see what comes on my way, but I´m waiting with a little smile on the corner of my mouth..

Went through some old stuff while packing... and found some "lyrics" I used to write back then. (like ages ago) They may not be that good, but they sure are interesting, considering my life situation now. Yeah, so here are some teenage (heartbreaking :) thoughts of mine..

it is my heart

i know it´s there/waiting for me telling me lies/it´s in the air/it preoccupies me
going somewhere/the rain is hard i close my eyes/i just don´t care/it dances around me

the silence screams/there is just nothing more to say/the promises/no-one ever made
big boys dont cry/but no-one ever really told me why/maybe a lie/easy to believe in

everything i do is because of you/i dont wanna feel it´s my heart you steal
all i ever want is to be with you/i dont wanna feel wish my heart was steel
what can i say what can i do/there is no way to be true
where could i go nowhere to show/this one i know i´ll wait for... you

if i/make a wish then make it fly/among the stars/up in the sky
would it come true/if seen by you/who would you be thinking of
who would you be thinking of

everything...

..................................

:) yeah.. and another one, from a little bit different point of view, interesting too, when thinking about me and the stuff now :

take a look inside

how come the sky can be so blue/i close my eyes, it can´t be true
a perfect day for hope for dying

i did decide that i dont care/who ever told you life was fair
i cant believe i left you crying

i couldn´t be your everything/forever after gueen and king
you need something real to believe in

..you need somebody but me..

take a look inside my heart/and tell me what you see
i may not be/all you wanted me to be
take a look inside my soul/and show me how you feel
you may not see/all you saw in me

there ain´t but loosers in this game/i didnt even want to play
you swore you´ll never ever say my name

..you need somebody......

take a look...

i´m not your dream come true/(every day by day)
i´m not the one who loves you/(already on my way)
i´m not your dream come through/(every day by day)
i´m not the one who loves you/(i love you anyway)
.......................

So... that´s enough dark secrets from the past for today...
laters.

the One

cause you´re the one - you´re the only one - you outshine the sun.. ..you´ve only just begun - and I´m already done - you´re the only one

The one, aye. Is there? Is there someone called the right one, the one true love, just waiting to be found? Is she the right one for me, is he the right one for you. For always. forevermore. God´s purpose, perfect for you, now and everyday from now on. In every situation. No matter what. No matter what. -I love you, just as you are. perfect. perfect for me. like you were designed for me.

or. but.

If she´s perfect for me now, but I change this way and she changes that way. and somehow, she doesn´t feel perfect for me anymore. We´ve changed. I´ve changed. We´re not the kids we used to be when falling in love. I´m not interested in the same things anymore, we are not interested.. So, could there be a new one for me now. Another the one. The new one.

Probably, yes. There could be. And most likely would be. Someone that fits this situation in my life better. I´m a businessman now, I need someone to stay home, to stay with the kids I wanna have. And she´s not up to that. So, maybe I should get someone new. Someone who fits me better now. The new one. The new true love.

And how about now. The kids are gone. My dreams have changed. I don´t wanna travel the world anymore. I´ve done that already enough, unlike her. She wants to go and see. So, maybe I should let her. go. And maybe, I could find a new one. The one who really fits me now. Fits my life now. As I have changed. People do change. I change.

So. I don´t believe in The One. Anymore. The one true love. I can´t. It just isn´t possible.

or.

Do I? Really. But how? How can that be? People change, I change. I can´t make her change the same direction as I do. To keep her perfect for me. And me for her. So, how can I make her stay as my perfect true love. As she is now. Perfect for me, in this life situation we are now.

Decision. Love, is a decision. So, I have to decide. I have to make a decision. Decide, to love the changes she´s gonna go through. decide, to love the person she´s going to be on the way, and end up being. Decide to love every character she´s gonna develop. Whatever that is going to be like. Decide.. to learn.. to love. Because, if I love something, it must mean that particular something is perfect for me. Cause I just freaking love it.

So, if I decide to love her just as she is in every situation to come, and I succeed in doing that, doesn´t it mean... she´s always going to be the right one for me. The one true love. Perfect for me. So, suddenly, it looks like, it is possible...to have...the One.

I am me.

If you had to answer with one word to the following guestion, what would it be? The guestion being: "What are you?" Not "Who are you?", but "What are you?"
Like what are you all about? ..how would you answer that, what would you say? What would I say? I think... maybe many of us would answer to that by telling what it is that we do. Like: I am a business man... or teacher... or nurse... or math student... or a footballer... or musician... or... a sports fan... or...

But I was just wondering.. pondering.. that isn´t that really the answer to the guestion of "What do you do?" instead. So, If I answer the "what are you?" -guestion by telling what it is that I do, does it make me the same with what I do. What I do for living or what I do just for fun. But both ways, is that really what I am?

Like, what is it that really defines me. as a man. as a person? And if it is the thing or things I do, then does the definition of what I am change all the time with the things I do.

Like for example if one day I am having a great job as an assistant manager working for this big company, and in that case the answer to "what are you?" would be an assistant manager. Which I guess is kind of a cool thing. So I would be kind of a cool person.. I guess.

But then. The echonomical depression hits hard the next day, and I get sacked from the company. So the answer to "the guestion" would be unemployed. Which, I guess is not that cool a thing. So, I wouldn´t be that cool a person anymore... I guess.

But. Would I really have changed as a person between those two events at all? Probably not.
But if I define me as what I do, then the definition would have changed overnight though I would be just the same person as I were before.

Or if I defined myself as a musician, a violin player, and then I get into an accident and break my arm so bad I can never play again. What am I then? Nothing? Ex-musician?
It just doesn´t make sense somehow. We have to be something more than just what we do. That can´t be the first and the biggest attribute to define us. That can´t be the answer to the guestion "what are you?". It just shouldn´t be.

I have had to wrestle with that stuff in my mind lately, as I´ve been doing pretty much nothing. And sometimes feeling like a rat for that. And when meeting new people, my answer to the usually first, or at least second guestion of "so what is it that you do?" has been: nothing.
And...well... honestly, usually when saying that I feel like crap. Why? Because even if I didn´t want to, I feel like I´m answering to the guestion "What are you?".
Nothing. I´m nothing.

And still I´m not. I´m a way more. And I know that. But somehow it gives me the feeling that is what I´m being defined by. And I hate that. And I hate the fact that I know right after finding a cool job I would answer to that same guestion proudly by telling what my job is...what I am. Stupid.
And that has made me think about the same thing the other way around. How do I define the others? Because, so many times I have been the one asking the guestion "what is it that you do?". And that maybe being the only guestion asked in the short conversation with someone new, I have built up some kind of an image about the person based on the answer to that guestion.
And, because a lot of us really do something way different from what we really wanted to do, the image may be totally wrong.
So, what I have tried to do lately is that instead of the usual guestion, I have started asking people "what is it that you really wanted to do?". Because I think the answer to that tells a lot more of a person. A lot more of who the person really is inside that all.

Or, we could also answer the guestion "what are you, or what is it that you do?" totally differently.
By saying what we really are. Like, I´m a husband.. or.. A mom of three. A dreamer. An adventurer. A man of god. A person looking for the anwers. Still trying to find out. A good friend. Loyal. Trustable. Curious. Social. Shady. A fighter. Something original. Something great.
I am me.

about a girl

Maybe. All of us feel lonely. sometimes. Or some, even most of the time.

I once told someone I was getting used to it. Being alone again. Feeling lonely. But, when I thought about it more, I kinda realized I was feeling lonely already way back then before I even had anyone. Even back then there was something missing. Something that made me look at the full moon a little longer. There was the little ache, little yearn.

So how could I get used to being alone after loosing the one, if I hadn´t got used to it in all that time before I even knew there was someone, to fill that hole, to take that place, the empty spot. Before I even knew there was something that could take that ache away.

So, I guess feeling lonely isn´t really a feeling that comes from loosing someone, from being alone after that, from missing that, but a feeling that is built in us somehow. A feeling telling us there is something missing. A feeling that makes us look at the full moon a little longer. A feeling that I can´t get used to. A feeling that can only be taken away by the one.
A feeling that, in my case, is
about a girl.

a Life my size

Sometimes when we think about the life ahead of us, it may even feel a little scary. Am I really gonna be able to do all the things that are out there waiting for me? Or as a christian; Am I really gonna be able to live the life God has planned for me? You know, if there is a purpose for me being here, as I believe there is, and if I (somehow accidentally :) even happen to find out what it is, am I ever going to be good enough to fulfill that "great plan"? Am I ever going to be good enough for those boots that are reserved for me, and for me only? If I´m made to do great things, or if I´m made to do smaller things, things that matter anyway, Can I somehow ruin the whole thing? What if I´m just not up to it? What if I´m just not good enough? What if someone else could do it better?

But.

Then. I thought about Cinderella. Yep. Cinderella. You all know the story, and how the Fairy Godmother makes those glass slippers for her and how she leaves the other slipper on the stairs of the palace in her haste when hurrying back home.

So, what has that got to do with real life?

Well, let´s think about us as Cinderellas. I´m the Cinderella now. (yippee!! :) And Let´s think about God as that Fairy Godmother, and the glass slipper made for us being our life. The life made for us, planned for us, the life we´re supposed to live. And let´s think about God also being the Prince in this story. ( u know, god works in many ways.. :)

So, God the Prince desperately wants to find the one fit to wear that slipper. To wear those boots. To do these certain things there are to be done. And no matter how many people try that slipper on, it just won´t fit. They just aren´t the right people to do those things. They have other boots to wear, other things to do, but they just can´t live the life that was made for you. For you only.

So, as long as the cool and handsome Prince doesn´t find me, there is no-one able to wear that glass slipper. There is no-one to play that part. There is no-one to be the Princess of this story. Of this life.

But if, and when, I finally get the courage to tell the Prince that: "hey. I´d like to try that slipper on!" I will find out if fits perfectly. Why? -Because it was made for me. Just for me. So I will find out I can play my part perfectly, live that life perfectly, or at least a way better than anyone else could. They wouldn´t get even close. And why? -Because that life was planned for me. For me. JUST for me.

So, if there is a life waiting for me and things waiting to be done, both that I was designed to handle perfectly, why the heck would I be even a little bit worried about how I´m gonna do? I mean, the only thing to be done is to find that Prince with the glass slipper of my life, and hey! I don´t even need to do that.. I just have to call on Him and He will find me. Too easy.
So I´m just gonna take that slipper from Him, try it on, step into those boots. And I´ll find out they fit me perfectly. Why? -Because it is my life. Designed especially for me.
A Life my size.