laters

Sitting here in my empty home, (on the dog´s mattress acually, it being one of the only things left here.) Or, is it already my used-to-be home. Dunno. Felt kind of weird earlier today, quite.. empty I guess.
It is a big change, I know that, and I can feel that too. But still, already, I´m somehow looking for it, you know I´m just excited to see what happens next. The summer to come is gonna be different from any of the earlier ones. Well, I guess they all are, but still. All open.. and it scares me a bit, and still.. I somehow like the feeling. I know I´m a type of guy who gets used to things too well, gets comfortable too well, so I know I somehow need the change. Even when not really wanting that. So, I´ll see what comes on my way, but I´m waiting with a little smile on the corner of my mouth..

Went through some old stuff while packing... and found some "lyrics" I used to write back then. (like ages ago) They may not be that good, but they sure are interesting, considering my life situation now. Yeah, so here are some teenage (heartbreaking :) thoughts of mine..

it is my heart

i know it´s there/waiting for me telling me lies/it´s in the air/it preoccupies me
going somewhere/the rain is hard i close my eyes/i just don´t care/it dances around me

the silence screams/there is just nothing more to say/the promises/no-one ever made
big boys dont cry/but no-one ever really told me why/maybe a lie/easy to believe in

everything i do is because of you/i dont wanna feel it´s my heart you steal
all i ever want is to be with you/i dont wanna feel wish my heart was steel
what can i say what can i do/there is no way to be true
where could i go nowhere to show/this one i know i´ll wait for... you

if i/make a wish then make it fly/among the stars/up in the sky
would it come true/if seen by you/who would you be thinking of
who would you be thinking of

everything...

..................................

:) yeah.. and another one, from a little bit different point of view, interesting too, when thinking about me and the stuff now :

take a look inside

how come the sky can be so blue/i close my eyes, it can´t be true
a perfect day for hope for dying

i did decide that i dont care/who ever told you life was fair
i cant believe i left you crying

i couldn´t be your everything/forever after gueen and king
you need something real to believe in

..you need somebody but me..

take a look inside my heart/and tell me what you see
i may not be/all you wanted me to be
take a look inside my soul/and show me how you feel
you may not see/all you saw in me

there ain´t but loosers in this game/i didnt even want to play
you swore you´ll never ever say my name

..you need somebody......

take a look...

i´m not your dream come true/(every day by day)
i´m not the one who loves you/(already on my way)
i´m not your dream come through/(every day by day)
i´m not the one who loves you/(i love you anyway)
.......................

So... that´s enough dark secrets from the past for today...
laters.