The Holy One

I once came across with this one give-away album from IHOP. It is a collection of worship.ish music, but there is a one song that really stroke me. I think you should download it and listen to it if you already haven´t. Do it late at night when it´s calm and peaceful and you can really focus on it. (all the good songs need to be listened in the dark :) So, go to the address below, register (you don´t have to pay anything etc. no worries), and download the song number 4, Holy.

Then, sit back, read the next part i wrote, and listen..

http://forerunnermediagroup.com/Group/Group.aspx?ID=1000035845

we all know (or should know) that god is loving, god is righteous, god is mercyful, god is gracious etc.. But every one of us can be that too, maybe not AS loving as god, maybe not AS mercyful as god, but still.. those are qualities that can be found in each of us at least up to some point, us being the creation of god.

 But there is one thing we are not, and can never be..   Holy. 

I think THAT is the one word that describes god the best. He, and he only, is Holy. And that is something greater than what we can really even understand. That is what god is all bout, and that is what this song is all about, maybe it gives you a tiny glimbse of my god. the holy one.

but it is horizontal

went to a michael w. smith concert a while ago, and he said something about God not only loving us, but also liking us.
And why he said that, is because it is even more intimate. it just is more. You can decide to love. love is a decision, as they say. (and "they" are right, btw) But you can´t really decide to like someone. You just do or you don´t. at least that´s how i see it. And actually, that is why i told my wife in the speech i made at our wedding (as i recall, i mean it was like 3 yrs ago.. :) that not only i love Her, but i also like her very very much. Because.. it just is more. you can love without really liking someone. But that is not what God does. He really likes us. As we are. with all our mistakes and glories.

The other day. i had a conversation with one of my house mates, and somewhere in the middle of that, he just stated that the problem with his faith isn´t that he didn´t know God loves him. But. He just can´t feel it.

and.

in that split second, without really thinkin about it, it became clear to me. The way i feel God´s love. And. It is not vertical, but it is horizontal.

It is the love i get from my family, from my loved ones, from my friends, from other christians.
That, is the the love i feel comes from God. The way God loves me.

and.

if someone can´t feel it. It only means we have failed. We, as the people around that person. Because that is how God has ment it to be. For us to be the tools. the hands. to share the love He´s got for us. To show it. to live it. To be it.

and.

If God is love. As the bible tells us. So, basically doesn´t that mean all the love is God´s love. That, in some way, all the love is God. Or God is in all the love. when we are loving our neighbour as ourselves - God is loving our neighbours. God is loving us. And when that happens, we sure can feel that in our everyday life. God´s love is not (only) vertical, but it is horizontal.

laters

Sitting here in my empty home, (on the dog´s mattress acually, it being one of the only things left here.) Or, is it already my used-to-be home. Dunno. Felt kind of weird earlier today, quite.. empty I guess.
It is a big change, I know that, and I can feel that too. But still, already, I´m somehow looking for it, you know I´m just excited to see what happens next. The summer to come is gonna be different from any of the earlier ones. Well, I guess they all are, but still. All open.. and it scares me a bit, and still.. I somehow like the feeling. I know I´m a type of guy who gets used to things too well, gets comfortable too well, so I know I somehow need the change. Even when not really wanting that. So, I´ll see what comes on my way, but I´m waiting with a little smile on the corner of my mouth..

Went through some old stuff while packing... and found some "lyrics" I used to write back then. (like ages ago) They may not be that good, but they sure are interesting, considering my life situation now. Yeah, so here are some teenage (heartbreaking :) thoughts of mine..

it is my heart

i know it´s there/waiting for me telling me lies/it´s in the air/it preoccupies me
going somewhere/the rain is hard i close my eyes/i just don´t care/it dances around me

the silence screams/there is just nothing more to say/the promises/no-one ever made
big boys dont cry/but no-one ever really told me why/maybe a lie/easy to believe in

everything i do is because of you/i dont wanna feel it´s my heart you steal
all i ever want is to be with you/i dont wanna feel wish my heart was steel
what can i say what can i do/there is no way to be true
where could i go nowhere to show/this one i know i´ll wait for... you

if i/make a wish then make it fly/among the stars/up in the sky
would it come true/if seen by you/who would you be thinking of
who would you be thinking of

everything...

..................................

:) yeah.. and another one, from a little bit different point of view, interesting too, when thinking about me and the stuff now :

take a look inside

how come the sky can be so blue/i close my eyes, it can´t be true
a perfect day for hope for dying

i did decide that i dont care/who ever told you life was fair
i cant believe i left you crying

i couldn´t be your everything/forever after gueen and king
you need something real to believe in

..you need somebody but me..

take a look inside my heart/and tell me what you see
i may not be/all you wanted me to be
take a look inside my soul/and show me how you feel
you may not see/all you saw in me

there ain´t but loosers in this game/i didnt even want to play
you swore you´ll never ever say my name

..you need somebody......

take a look...

i´m not your dream come true/(every day by day)
i´m not the one who loves you/(already on my way)
i´m not your dream come through/(every day by day)
i´m not the one who loves you/(i love you anyway)
.......................

So... that´s enough dark secrets from the past for today...
laters.

the One

cause you´re the one - you´re the only one - you outshine the sun.. ..you´ve only just begun - and I´m already done - you´re the only one

The one, aye. Is there? Is there someone called the right one, the one true love, just waiting to be found? Is she the right one for me, is he the right one for you. For always. forevermore. God´s purpose, perfect for you, now and everyday from now on. In every situation. No matter what. No matter what. -I love you, just as you are. perfect. perfect for me. like you were designed for me.

or. but.

If she´s perfect for me now, but I change this way and she changes that way. and somehow, she doesn´t feel perfect for me anymore. We´ve changed. I´ve changed. We´re not the kids we used to be when falling in love. I´m not interested in the same things anymore, we are not interested.. So, could there be a new one for me now. Another the one. The new one.

Probably, yes. There could be. And most likely would be. Someone that fits this situation in my life better. I´m a businessman now, I need someone to stay home, to stay with the kids I wanna have. And she´s not up to that. So, maybe I should get someone new. Someone who fits me better now. The new one. The new true love.

And how about now. The kids are gone. My dreams have changed. I don´t wanna travel the world anymore. I´ve done that already enough, unlike her. She wants to go and see. So, maybe I should let her. go. And maybe, I could find a new one. The one who really fits me now. Fits my life now. As I have changed. People do change. I change.

So. I don´t believe in The One. Anymore. The one true love. I can´t. It just isn´t possible.

or.

Do I? Really. But how? How can that be? People change, I change. I can´t make her change the same direction as I do. To keep her perfect for me. And me for her. So, how can I make her stay as my perfect true love. As she is now. Perfect for me, in this life situation we are now.

Decision. Love, is a decision. So, I have to decide. I have to make a decision. Decide, to love the changes she´s gonna go through. decide, to love the person she´s going to be on the way, and end up being. Decide to love every character she´s gonna develop. Whatever that is going to be like. Decide.. to learn.. to love. Because, if I love something, it must mean that particular something is perfect for me. Cause I just freaking love it.

So, if I decide to love her just as she is in every situation to come, and I succeed in doing that, doesn´t it mean... she´s always going to be the right one for me. The one true love. Perfect for me. So, suddenly, it looks like, it is possible...to have...the One.

I am me.

If you had to answer with one word to the following guestion, what would it be? The guestion being: "What are you?" Not "Who are you?", but "What are you?"
Like what are you all about? ..how would you answer that, what would you say? What would I say? I think... maybe many of us would answer to that by telling what it is that we do. Like: I am a business man... or teacher... or nurse... or math student... or a footballer... or musician... or... a sports fan... or...

But I was just wondering.. pondering.. that isn´t that really the answer to the guestion of "What do you do?" instead. So, If I answer the "what are you?" -guestion by telling what it is that I do, does it make me the same with what I do. What I do for living or what I do just for fun. But both ways, is that really what I am?

Like, what is it that really defines me. as a man. as a person? And if it is the thing or things I do, then does the definition of what I am change all the time with the things I do.

Like for example if one day I am having a great job as an assistant manager working for this big company, and in that case the answer to "what are you?" would be an assistant manager. Which I guess is kind of a cool thing. So I would be kind of a cool person.. I guess.

But then. The echonomical depression hits hard the next day, and I get sacked from the company. So the answer to "the guestion" would be unemployed. Which, I guess is not that cool a thing. So, I wouldn´t be that cool a person anymore... I guess.

But. Would I really have changed as a person between those two events at all? Probably not.
But if I define me as what I do, then the definition would have changed overnight though I would be just the same person as I were before.

Or if I defined myself as a musician, a violin player, and then I get into an accident and break my arm so bad I can never play again. What am I then? Nothing? Ex-musician?
It just doesn´t make sense somehow. We have to be something more than just what we do. That can´t be the first and the biggest attribute to define us. That can´t be the answer to the guestion "what are you?". It just shouldn´t be.

I have had to wrestle with that stuff in my mind lately, as I´ve been doing pretty much nothing. And sometimes feeling like a rat for that. And when meeting new people, my answer to the usually first, or at least second guestion of "so what is it that you do?" has been: nothing.
And...well... honestly, usually when saying that I feel like crap. Why? Because even if I didn´t want to, I feel like I´m answering to the guestion "What are you?".
Nothing. I´m nothing.

And still I´m not. I´m a way more. And I know that. But somehow it gives me the feeling that is what I´m being defined by. And I hate that. And I hate the fact that I know right after finding a cool job I would answer to that same guestion proudly by telling what my job is...what I am. Stupid.
And that has made me think about the same thing the other way around. How do I define the others? Because, so many times I have been the one asking the guestion "what is it that you do?". And that maybe being the only guestion asked in the short conversation with someone new, I have built up some kind of an image about the person based on the answer to that guestion.
And, because a lot of us really do something way different from what we really wanted to do, the image may be totally wrong.
So, what I have tried to do lately is that instead of the usual guestion, I have started asking people "what is it that you really wanted to do?". Because I think the answer to that tells a lot more of a person. A lot more of who the person really is inside that all.

Or, we could also answer the guestion "what are you, or what is it that you do?" totally differently.
By saying what we really are. Like, I´m a husband.. or.. A mom of three. A dreamer. An adventurer. A man of god. A person looking for the anwers. Still trying to find out. A good friend. Loyal. Trustable. Curious. Social. Shady. A fighter. Something original. Something great.
I am me.

about a girl

Maybe. All of us feel lonely. sometimes. Or some, even most of the time.

I once told someone I was getting used to it. Being alone again. Feeling lonely. But, when I thought about it more, I kinda realized I was feeling lonely already way back then before I even had anyone. Even back then there was something missing. Something that made me look at the full moon a little longer. There was the little ache, little yearn.

So how could I get used to being alone after loosing the one, if I hadn´t got used to it in all that time before I even knew there was someone, to fill that hole, to take that place, the empty spot. Before I even knew there was something that could take that ache away.

So, I guess feeling lonely isn´t really a feeling that comes from loosing someone, from being alone after that, from missing that, but a feeling that is built in us somehow. A feeling telling us there is something missing. A feeling that makes us look at the full moon a little longer. A feeling that I can´t get used to. A feeling that can only be taken away by the one.
A feeling that, in my case, is
about a girl.

a Life my size

Sometimes when we think about the life ahead of us, it may even feel a little scary. Am I really gonna be able to do all the things that are out there waiting for me? Or as a christian; Am I really gonna be able to live the life God has planned for me? You know, if there is a purpose for me being here, as I believe there is, and if I (somehow accidentally :) even happen to find out what it is, am I ever going to be good enough to fulfill that "great plan"? Am I ever going to be good enough for those boots that are reserved for me, and for me only? If I´m made to do great things, or if I´m made to do smaller things, things that matter anyway, Can I somehow ruin the whole thing? What if I´m just not up to it? What if I´m just not good enough? What if someone else could do it better?

But.

Then. I thought about Cinderella. Yep. Cinderella. You all know the story, and how the Fairy Godmother makes those glass slippers for her and how she leaves the other slipper on the stairs of the palace in her haste when hurrying back home.

So, what has that got to do with real life?

Well, let´s think about us as Cinderellas. I´m the Cinderella now. (yippee!! :) And Let´s think about God as that Fairy Godmother, and the glass slipper made for us being our life. The life made for us, planned for us, the life we´re supposed to live. And let´s think about God also being the Prince in this story. ( u know, god works in many ways.. :)

So, God the Prince desperately wants to find the one fit to wear that slipper. To wear those boots. To do these certain things there are to be done. And no matter how many people try that slipper on, it just won´t fit. They just aren´t the right people to do those things. They have other boots to wear, other things to do, but they just can´t live the life that was made for you. For you only.

So, as long as the cool and handsome Prince doesn´t find me, there is no-one able to wear that glass slipper. There is no-one to play that part. There is no-one to be the Princess of this story. Of this life.

But if, and when, I finally get the courage to tell the Prince that: "hey. I´d like to try that slipper on!" I will find out if fits perfectly. Why? -Because it was made for me. Just for me. So I will find out I can play my part perfectly, live that life perfectly, or at least a way better than anyone else could. They wouldn´t get even close. And why? -Because that life was planned for me. For me. JUST for me.

So, if there is a life waiting for me and things waiting to be done, both that I was designed to handle perfectly, why the heck would I be even a little bit worried about how I´m gonna do? I mean, the only thing to be done is to find that Prince with the glass slipper of my life, and hey! I don´t even need to do that.. I just have to call on Him and He will find me. Too easy.
So I´m just gonna take that slipper from Him, try it on, step into those boots. And I´ll find out they fit me perfectly. Why? -Because it is my life. Designed especially for me.
A Life my size.

2 Timothy 2

Even if we are not faithful, he will remain faithful. He must be true to himself.

If we believe not, he continueth faithful, he cannot deny himself.

If we turn away from him, he will never turn away from us. He cannot do anything that is against his own nature.’

If we give up on him, he does not give up, for there's no way he can be false to himself.

If we are faithless [do not believe and are untrue to Him], He remains true (faithful to His Word and His righteous character), for He cannot deny Himself.

If we are faithless, he remains faithful, for he cannot disown himself.

Jos me olemme uskottomat, pysyy kuitenkin hän uskollisena, sillä itseänsä kieltää ei Hän saata.

-näin. sen näin.

the Fight Club

Sometimes when everything around me gets all blurry, when it seems there are only walls all around me, it makes me think if there really is any point in this. In this fight. This battle.
When all seems totally hopeless it makes me think of what´s the point in all this. Why am I running to this dead end? Can I really win this... is there even a chance to win this? If I can´t be even a little bit certain I´m gonna win in the end, am I fighting all in vain?
Doing this all for nothing, giving this all for nothing?

But, what is it really? What does it really mean? To Fight, I mean.
When we have things in our lives we really want to fight for even not knowing what the result is going to be.. the guestion is I guess.. Would it even be called fighting if we did know we eventually are going to win? Is it fighting for something if you know in the beginning that if you just keep doing this long enough, the result is going to be as you want it to be?
Or, is it.. that.. when you really have to fight for something... it´s like there never is any certainty about the result, but there is only this one little thing that keeps you going... this little beam of light... called Hope. A chance... of something good waiting there in the very end.
And of course.. to fight..there must be something worth fighting for.

So, if I really want to fight for my cause, It means I just have to live with the possibility of loosing, live with the fact I can´t be certain of what the result is going to be. But still hold on to Hope. Because that is what is going to keep me going. As long as it takes. As long as I´m willing.
That,I guess is what it means to fight for something.
And, whatever happens. Whatever the result turns out to be. At least I´m going to live knowing I never gave up but fought... for what really matters.
So, I think I join the Fight Club.

..taas polvilleen rakkaus taipuu..

a tsubuling poem/song that is not mine, but still moves something inside... ;)

Minä Sinua rakastan tiedän sen,
se ei ole vain hetken huumaa.
Se on nuotion hehku hiljainen,
ja roihua polttavan kuumaa.


Se ei sammu kun sammuvat hallayöt,
se ei kuole kun maassa on routa.
Se kestää arjet ja pehmeät yöt,
se kestää, on myrsky tai pouta.


Minä sinua rakastan, katsohan,
kuinka kirkkaasti tuikkivat tähdet.
Joka päivä ne sinulle lahjoitan,
jos kanssani matkalle lähdet.


Ja kun kuljemme raskain askelin,
ja aika tuo murheita tupaan.
Pidän kädestä sinua silloinkin,
yhä Sinua rakastaa lupaan.


Minä Sinua rakastan silloinkin,
jos ehdimme korkeaan ikään.
Olet edelleen minulle suloisin,
ei hellyyttä sammuta mikään.


Mitä siitä jos ryppyjä poskiin saat,
taikka kumaraan selkäsi taipuu.
Kun näen silmäsi kirkkaat ja kuulakkaat,
taas polvilleen rakkaus taipuu..



..taas polvilleen rakkaus taipuu..

a Flame too Burning

Is there a thing called loving too much? Can you love someone too much if it still is totally unselfish? Are there situations where you should somehow control the level of that loving, control that flame of love to keep it from burning too hot?

What if the other flame isn´t burnig as hot as yours? Can your loving be too strong, so big it suffocates the other one? The other love? So big it uses all the air? So you just have to make yourself to back up to give the other one room to breath. So you just have to try not to love that much.
Is it right? Can "I love you so much" also be a bad thing? Are there situations where we should only "love pretty much". I´ve always thought there is no need to say "I love you so much", or " I love you more than anything". Because in my mind, if you love someone, you just love. And by saying you love, you mean you love the whole of it, everything there is in you, everything you can and everything you are. If that is loving, how could there be a level of love higher than that? Loving so much.. If by saying you just love, you already love all there is in you to love someone. Your everything.
So, if "I love you" means "I love you my all, my everything", how could you love less? How could a flame be cooler? I don´t know. I guess to me to love means to have the fire. And the only option is to not have the fire. To not love. And I can´t see any in betweens.
But, can a flame be too burning? I used to think mine was. I still don´t know. still don´t know.

In God we trust

..it says on a One dollar bill. Or on the album cover of Stryper. (!!!)
Do we?
If we asked any christians if they trust in God, I reckon the answer would be like 90 percently Yes. (often accompanied with "of course!")

So, why do we worry so much? If we say we really do trust in Him.
If we buy a brand new car and we drive around with it, I guess we would also say we trust in it. I mean it´s good and new so why wouldn´t we. So, we drive around and we don´t worry about it "suddenly brealing down" or "what if it just explodes, like out of the blue", or "what if it just stops running right when we are in the middle of nowhere at night and the battery of the mobile is totally dead or you have just changed the PIN code and you accidently turn the phone off and you can´t get it on because you can´t remember the new one and there are serial killers behind every tree.." (btw, the PIN code is your wife´s birthday.. ;) Or "what if the fuel meter is somehow totally wrong and you run out of gas in the red lights in the middle of the rush hour in the biggest intersection of the city and you´re wearing high heels and a mini skirt and it´s raining cats and dogs so NO ONE will come and help you out.."

I guess all that sounds a bit ridicilous. You don´t drive around thinking like that, you don´t worry about that stuff. Of course that is "a bit" exaggerated. But the fact is, if we trust someone or something, we don´t go around worrying. It´s a whole different thing to be prepared for surprises, for unexpeced things, because life sure is full of them. But if you concentrate on worrying things, like while driving the new car. You totally loose the joy and feeling of driving that new car.

So, how about the almighty God? What´s He got to do with this?
We have this great God-thing we say we trust and who we are travelling with through this life. And, still we WORRY. We worry about if we´re ever gonna get a job, or if we do get it is it going to be permanent with the economic recession hitting soon. And are ever gonna find a wife/husband for ourselves and if we do is she or he going to stay and make us happy and are we going to have kids and if we do are they going to be healthy and if they do will they end up being young criminals at the age of 5 robbing the old ladies of the neighbourhood and finally ending up in jail as junkies.

Well, ok, maybe we stay in good health, but then, there are always accidents lurking behind our backs. One serious possibility is that we end up crashing our tricycle with the big tree across the road and and we wake up in the hopital paralyzed from the neck down. -How do we scratch our bellybuttons then. Gosh!!

What´s the point? We say we trust, and still live our life worrying about all that crap.
There are lots of verses in the bible talking about that. Don´t really need to mention them. You know how God is taking care of even the little flowers and the birds so how wouldn´t He take care of you. And would He really give you a stone when you´re asking for a peace of bread and so on..

So you get it? Ok. But still we end up doing this..

Let us picture our life as a big tent. Often we build the tent up using only the "earthly" things as poles, Ok, we have a lot of those different little poles supporting the tent sheet, but when one of the poles breaks down, let´s say a relationship for example, and we only concentrate on worrying about that "broken pole", with a little extra rain (that somehow usually happens to be right there) on some other areas of our life, it causes the tent sheet to sag and with the extra pressure of the rain water collecting in the same spot eventually the pole next to it (maybe our health or a job etc) breaks down ant tears the next one down and eventually the whole tent, the whole life, collapses.
There just is nothing strong enough to hold up the weight of the whole tent, the whole life by itself. We say we trust God, but we don´t build our lives upon Him.

But let us build up the very same tent, only using God as the center pole. So you have this one thick and strong center pole we hang the sheet on, and then we just add the smaller poles in the corners, which are the important things in our lives like relationships and health and job and so on.
So, again, the relationship-pole breaks down, the girlfriend leaves you. And the extra heavy rain just happens to come around, like it already wasn´t hard enough. Eventually the pressure can even break another pole, you loose your health or your job. So the sides of the tent sheet flap wildly in the storm. And it hurts, it hurts when a part of your world collapses. But no matter how hard it rains, how hard the storm gets, the big center pole is there. Standing firmly, standing strong. And it won´t let the whole tent to collapse. No matter what happens. Your whole world will not collapse. There is something that holds it up and gives you time to build up new poles on the other areas of your life and to make the life steady again. You can count on it. You can trust it.

If we believe in God. If we trust in God. We should build up our lives as the latter tent is built. Using God as the center pole and building our lives around that. And when we do that, we can live our life trusting. Worry free. And doing that, we can fully enjoy the ride, feel the life.
If we say we trust, then let´s freaking trust!

Leave the worrying part for horses, that´s what they have such a long faces for anyway... :)

a Heart shaped box

I have been thinking. No, not about food this time, but about life. Or living actually. What is it to live? How do we really live? Like how can we be sure that we are really living this life, not only surviving it. And what´s the difference, or is there really one?

When I tell myself to live, it means to live so that I can feel it. Living the life with the whole God given heart so that I can feel the whole of it. Feel the goods... and the bads too. Feel the moments I just wanna spread my arms and dance arond the dark room or the moonlit glade or the full-of-people beach... but also feel the moments I really wouldn´t want to feel. The down lows... the ones wishing my heart wasn´t that easy to steal... or wishing my heart just was made of steel.

Us, people, we have a bad habit to guard our heart too well to keep it from hurting. We´ve heard, and we´ve been taught to keep our heart safe and sound, so we tend to close it in a safe, in a treasure chest in some hidden well guarded place to keep it away from getting hurt and wounded and from getting any hard knocks from this school of life.

So, time goes by and suddenly we realize we have become old. We are part of the gray people out there hitting the knee-high sleet with the kicksledge or the walker and well, it may be true our precious and well guarded heart shaped box is somewhat untouchable by any bad things, and the heart inside is as neat and whole as new. But I guess the real guestion is: Have we really lived a single moment of our lives, or have we just survived?

I think I´d rather die than just survive. Surviving can not be the meaning of life. So I try to live instead. Through the whole thing. The ups and downs. But never stay down.
Dont know if it shows on the outside, that you should ask my friends about, but at least it feels good. And u know, when there´s a feeling around, that´s where you´ll find me. :)

Life is a bitch!

..they say. What ever it means. And yeah, the title has nothing to do with the rest of this writing.


When someone hurts you, when someone treats you bad. When someone doesn´t give a crap about others but just takes what he wants and does what he likes. And when in response to that you decide to let go, to not get even, to humble yourself, to do the "right" thing, to be the nice guy. Why do u do that? Do you do it because you think it just is the best way to act, the right way to live? To love one another, to respect others, to be nonselfish, to give flowers when someone gives you crap. Do you do it because you honestly believe it is the only right way to live this life?


Or.


Do u think that he who does wrong can´t really REALLY be living a happy life enjoying all the stuff he´s got knowing he has caused a lot of misery to others, or just lived against his own principles? That his conscience can´t be calm, that it must be eating him inside and the "good life" he´s showing outside is just an empty shell? Or, that eventually life will get even with those who mistreat others, or even if the life doesn´t, God eventually will. So you live your life "the good way" and humble yourself knowing that one day the justice is going to happen and the bad will get what the bad deserve.


But.


What if?


What if the guy being selfish a-hole and getting rich from other peoples backs honestly is feeling good about it, what if he thinks it is only right to do the things he does. What if his conscience is staying nice and quiet? What if he Can really enjoy all of his possessions he got from cheating his business partners and the pretty girlfriend he stole from his best friend and still sleep around with a smile on his face.?


And.


What if?


At old age before he dies he comes to God and repents and its all good. He gets to heaven to stay with the long haired dude and to sing with the angel choir.
We all are REALLY happy if we picture that kind of example, right? I mean the guy gets to heaven, that´s what only matters, right? So he did a little wrong stuff along the way, but we don´t care about little things like that, right?


I don´t know, I think I have to admit thinking about story like that eats me inside like a little rat. Guess it is because it makes the life sound very unfair. The one doing the all the wrong things enjoys his life and ends up at the same place we do. Getting the same reward as we do. Thou we are the ones who do it "right", the hard way.


Why is that? Why does it feel so unfair?
Do we secretly wonder if it really could be possible to for us too to do all that and still get to the finnish line? Is it that we choose the hard way all in vain? Could we really be less "good" and still get the best results?


What if?


The reason we choose to live the life as we think is "right", as the big book tells us to is not because we really believe it is the only right way to make it thru this thing called life, but it really is because we´re being afraid? Afraid of our own conscience eating us alive or of the punishment waiting there at the very end. You know, if "the life" doesn´t get us, eventually God will. And WE don´t wanna be there, right?


But if we do so, if we choose the "narrow" road just because of we´re afraid of the punishment, are we really trusting God? If we really trust God is good and he ONLY wants the best for us we should just be able to believe the "narrow" way IS the best way. That living your life God´s way really IS the best way to live it.
Maybe, and propably, not the easiest way (wouldn´t be called narrow otherwise would it?) but the only right way for us and our hearts and souls. And that is the reason it eventually is the happiest way too. Even with all the normal miseries of life.


What if?


We really started to believe what God says. That he only wants us good. That when he says no to something he does it for our best. If we did that, there would be no us pointing at others who are not walking the walk as we think is right and us saying: "Can he really do that and still think he´s getting to heaven?"(and secretly thinking: "Could i really do that too and still get to heaven? Am i really being this strict for no real reason?")


If we honestly believe the God´s way is the best way, we shouldn´t really give a Ponys crap of what others do or dont do. We do the things our way because we just KNOW it is the best way to do it. It is not about a list of " cant do these´s". Its more like a sign saying "follow this and you will get much more than you ever would from the list of those dont do´s". And yeah, it´s okay to be sorry about those who dont get it, or follow the path we´re on. Its their own loss. Sorry for them but it´s their own stupidity. We really don´t need to secretly envy them, there´s nothing to be envious about. They just dont get to live it to the fullest meaning of life, as God has ment it for us. Hope they get their eyes opened soon enough But WE are on the right way, and we can just count on it.


It may be a dirt road and seem a little bumpy and not really that good compared to that great highway starting right next to it. But do we REALLY trust the local Guy who tells us the dirt road is the greatest road of all, even though it really doesn´t look like it?
If we do decide to trust Him and start down the road we´ll find out that after the couple of first curves it actually runs right along the coast of this turquoise sea with these majestic cliffs hanging on it and we get to see these unbelievably b-e-a-utiful sunsets and travel under the dark blue sky with millions of stars and a bloodred full moon. And suddenly we notice the road doesn´t even feel that bumpy anymore.. At that point, do we really wish we had chosen the highway instead and the nice and easy drive with all the other cars. Do we really wonder if the local Guy was wrong and we shoul have taken the highway instead..?
Which road is the one doing good to your soul, your inner self. Which way to travel is better for you, the you that matters? The easy way, or the way that makes your heart feel alive?


What if?